


It's you, it's me, it's Us

by alextheghostdrummer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Character Study, Idiots in Love, M/M, One Shot, listen i don't know what this is but it wouldn't leave me alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:34:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27140482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alextheghostdrummer/pseuds/alextheghostdrummer
Summary: The aftermath of saving the world is the need to deal with Cas's deal with the empty. this is a snapshot of what's going on in Dean's and Cas's brains.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 11





	It's you, it's me, it's Us

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing anything for the spn fandom. btw english isn't my first language, hopefully it's intelligeable.  
> hope you like it

They did, they rescued the world from its own creator and now what?

At the moment they are all in separate rooms after celebrating their victory, each of them retreated to be in their own company. Sam in his room talking to Eileen excitedly over the phone, Jack watching cartoons in the library, Castiel sat on his bed and Dean drinking his prestigious whiskey straight from the bottle. Each of them absorbed in their own Universe. Though one thing loomed closer than before: Castiel and his deal with the Empty.

See, the thing about Dean and Cas is that they are in love.

Unbeknownst to them, of course, in the early stages they had mistaken sexual frustration with the non-sexual kind. Castiel, Angel of The Lord, once leader of battalions, soldier in a holy war arranged by God Himself morphed into a rebel so many years ago. The obedient servant of Heaven, now an outcast, tossed reality as he knew and perceived, no questions asked, into the bin for men. A single man. The one he lied his hands on in the shrieking pits of Hell, the one whose soul he caught a glimpse of in the midst of all the chaos and pain in the fiery pit; a soul so bright it brought him the reassurance he needed that so surely Heaven would win the apocalyptical war. The one he raised from perdition and whose body he assembled together anew. In all those years of acknowledging he chose the Winchesters over his angelic brothers and sisters, and above all, God he never realized the multitude of his actions, and to be fair neither did Sam and Dean, despite the fact that everyone around them had, in their own way, pointed out his sacrifices and his loyalty to the hunters. It didn’t exempt him of his falls, of his own mistakes; the omissions, secrecy and sometimes straight-up lies etc. There’s no denying that, at times, he did the Winchesters wrong but regardless of those times, there isn’t much he wouldn’t have done for Sam and Dean. Especially the older Winchester. He knows he wronged Dean but it’s clear in his mind that he would bleed himself dry a million times before he let anything happen to him. And isn’t that something? It could’ve been easily mistaken for brotherly love the way the admission of the lengths he would thread to keep Dean Winchester safe and sound comes out matter-of-factly, unyielding, without any doubt of his mouth. Though it isn’t brotherly love that permeates his and Dean’s relationship. Once he purposely stepped back into (literal) Purgatory because it meant Dean would be out in the world where he belonged to, perhaps not exactly unharmed, nevertheless, where he wanted to be, where he’d be in his brother’s arms once more. He fought monsters in Purgatory, Earth, Heaven, Hell and in other Universes; he fought demons, angels, Lucifer and God for Dean. All of it for one man, as Metatron once said. In all his years beside the two men he never regretted once siding with them. And now everything seemed a bit hazy, perhaps lost behind the veil of passage of time, it seems all wasted. It isn’t as though he repents sacrificing so much, he doesn’t, but he wishes he had more time.

And Dean?

Well, he will burn Heaven and Earth and everyone that stands in between him and his angel. Fairness, despite being regarded once as “the righteous man”, isn’t his strongest suit in relation to the angel. He should’ve thanked him more, complained less. He should’ve savored those small moments of joy with him, the way he had become as human as the sparkle in his eyes when he saw something or someone he loved so completely as he loved Jack, for instance, the way his Nephilim child brought the best and worst out of him (to others, of course). He should’ve asked him to stay, he should’ve fought harder, he should’ve been less prideful, less angry.

He should’ve said he loved him.

Absorbed in should haves and should have nots, he realizes having Cas by his side is a merry go round. It always is, the loss and revival, the never-ending cycle and in all those times he watched his decay he promised to do better, be better in case the angel came back, if he ever did, though he never was. He was never enough and neither were his exhausted efforts. Every time Cas died something in him chipped away and each time the loss ached gravely, he wonders now when the clock will run out, when he finally will be out of chances to do better by his angel. He wonders when the last final time comes what will he do? What can he do? Besides turn into ruble evidently. He wonders if one his worst nightmares ever come into fruition who will he become? A shell of man, hollow and sterile? A broken man who can be saved? Is he even worth saving? Was he ever worthy of salvation? Unlikely, yet here he is all thanks to Castiel. Will he ever be able to return all of what his friend has done for him? Will he ever atone his past mistakes?

Images of Cas beaten down by Dean’s own hands flashes behind his eyes, images of the sorrow Dean’s words etched into Castiel’s face, images of his deaths... they all fall on him. All of them. Maybe if he corrupted another angel maybe he wouldn’t have messed up Castiel’s story the way he did. But did he ever have a choice? Did Cas? Perhaps not. But here’s what he knows: he has to atone for his mistakes, he has to, _he has to _like the whiskey he downed in a single movement burned his throat, he needs to like he needs the oxygen cursing through his veins and he will fight like hell to do so. And he will succeed, so help him, he will. The Empty can fuck off, he thinks bitterly. He will save Cas and fuck justifying his future actions because “the world is a better place when Castiel is around” or because “he is family”. The world can suck his dick for all he cares, he’s done saving it, he needs his angel, he needs him _badly _. The world owes him to be selfish and fight for one person like Cas did time and time again. He will be damned if he lets anyone, even an ominous and powerful entity, pry his angel out of his hands. And when he finally has the Angel safe and in no imminent danger of being killed or taken away he will finally be the man he deserves. And if that sounds ambiguous, well, it ain’t Dean’s problem.____

____ _ _

____So here, Dean in the kitchen silently cursing the world for trying to rip Castiel away from him yet again, and the angel, subsequently coming, to the realization he is in love and has been in love with the infamous hunter for over a decade, they had never been so close, yet so far apart._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> you can yell at me about what ever this was on tumblr: https://alextheghostdrummer.tumblr.com/


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